WHAT IS AN AMERICAN

Americas were built for adventure, peril, risk, hazard and ferocious battles with fiery dragons. Americans eat nails for breakfast, barb-wire for lunch, nitroglycerin for dinner and fart dynamite for entertainment. Americans are mental and emotional nerves of steel dynamos. They are unstoppable and unbeatable. Stress is their candy; anxiety their energy drink; fear their launching pad; irritation, upset, anger, rage and fury their rocket fuels.

When an American has remorse or regret it just means HE OR SHE is rethinking, regrouping, rearming and doing a little yoga before counter-attacking and bunker-busting and earth-scorching dictators and tyrants and their irredeemable dumb ass followers.

Americans always win. ALWAYS.

Americans have a “live and let live” philosophy. You leave us alone to live our lives our way and we won’t come over there and kick your stupid ass. But if you bring your stupid ass over here and try to force us to do anything, there will be no end to your body count until there are no more decomposing bodies to count.

You don’t control an American. You unleash an American.

Americans are fire-breathing, cave-dwelling, castle protecting don’t-mess-with-us, body-heaping merchants-of-death to aggressors. Leave us the hell alone or reap hell.

Americans are always kind. They consider kicking an unkind person’s ass an act of kindness.

Americans are always loving. They consider it an act of love to quickly and painlessly liberate a spirit trapped in an ass-hole body.

Americans always Cowboy-Up, Soldier-up and Man-Up.

Americans have two mottoes: “TAKE THE PAIN!” and, “EVERYDAY IS A GOOD DAY TO DIE.” Mess with an American and you’ll feel the pain. Mess too much with an American and you’ll have a good day.